Hong Kong Dong

A guy goes on a business trip to Hong Kong and decides to spend the last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl. After returning home he notices a very weird green sore festering on his penis. So he goes to his doctor.

After hearing of his trip to Hong Kong the Doc says, “You have a bad case of Hong Kong Dong. I’m sorry to have to tell you that the only cure amputation!”

The guy is horrified and so decides to get a second opinion.
The second doc says, "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away."

Lawyers jokes

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it".

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. Bythe time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The world's smartest man - Jokes

One night, a twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.
    
Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke.
    
The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!"
    
With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
    
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world`s greatest athlete and I should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
    

Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready ! to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a minute!"

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.'